Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
