Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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