Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
