Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
