my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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