he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
