1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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