Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
