i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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