we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Im part way to drunk.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
