I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
