i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just found a bag of teeth...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
