physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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