a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize