i would punch a child for taco bell
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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