Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
