break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
