I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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