someone threw a dead crab at me
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
