sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
