Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
