Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
