Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
