We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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