I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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