After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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