In the future we'll all be gay
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
