we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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