Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize