He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
