I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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