I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
