You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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