I hate all girls vehemently.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
