So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
why is half of my head shaved?
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