Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
