This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
