Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
