She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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