Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
