Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
