there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
