I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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