i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
