he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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