I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
