It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He? As in you personified your dick?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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