I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
