I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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