yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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