Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
