I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
