yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
