Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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