hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
