i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i drank out of a bidet.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
