oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize