My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
