All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
