I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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