so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize