I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize