I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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