i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Come on in and take your pants off
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