i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
