I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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