just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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