____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
