Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
