Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize