My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
