i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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