I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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