Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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