chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
