Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
