but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We had to coat check the pizza.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
