Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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